The Penguin March

I like penguins. I think they’re funny. Little black and white waddling birds always dressed for the occasion. It seems everyone likes penguins too. Happy feet was a success and the little ninja penguins almost stole the show in Madagascar. Turn on the Discovery Channel and chances are there’s a documentary or a film about these little creatures. There was even a feature film a few years back although I only caught glimpses of it on a long haul flight between a soggy lunch and attempts of sleep on a flight with way too much turbulence for my liking. Penguins don’t have to worry about turbulence though, somewhere along the evolutionary chain they had enough foresight to decide that unlike the majority of their winged cousins, they wanted to keep their feet firmly planted on the ground.

One particular penguin trait that I find amusing is their perpetual concern for their own safety. Whilst at one of Phillip Island’s most popular attractions a few years ago, I saw this first hand. After a long hard day at work, swimming the sea’s in search of fish to feed the family, these bullet like creatures are a personification of speed, grace and cunning in the water, yet when they return to the shores edge are somewhat reminiscent of my old magna station wagon that I bought for a few hundred bucks from the side of the road. Slow, clunky and always in danger of breaking down at the most inconvenient of times. It seems the penguin is completely aware of this disparity between the sea and the land and instantly transforms from brave fisherman providing for its family into scared little child, all alone in the big wide world for the first time.

As it reaches the shallows of the water it sits in wait, scanning the beaches for any sign of predator, wanting to turn the hunter into the hunted. After considerable patience it makes a quick little wobble a meter or so onto the sand… and hurriedly retreats back to the safety of the shallows. Then, after a short time building up some more bravery it steps out onto the sand for another try... bravado increasing, it inches forward a few more feet until a sudden burst of cowardice rushes over it again and it retreats, once again to the safety of the shallows.

This scene is being replayed multiple times up and down the coast. Hundreds of penguins are dancing the scared little shuffle, back and forth, onto the sand and back into the safety of the shallows. The penguin is not stupid you see, it knows its chances of survival increase dramatically if it is making the dash across the sand behind other penguins. Think of the advancement of troops in a trench warfare situation. Chances are the frontline are going to be blown away by a multitude of gunfire while those in the second and third row have a considerably higher chance of survival. Maybe through instinct, or simply experience, the penguin simply doesn’t want to be the first to show its exposed body across the bare beach before it can reach the safety of the bushy sand dunes, where its young waits for dinner.

Of course the penguin must make that dash across the sand at some point though. It can hear its young screaming out, in fact it can hear hundreds of families of young screaming out for dinner. To the penguin, this must be similar to the sound of a four year olds birthday party at MacDonald’s. It’s hardly a soothing sound in any species’ language. Any parent surely knows the screaming noise of the hungry child, ‘I’m Huuuuungry! When’s dinner ready????’  It cries. Luckily for said parent it rarely has to risk death providing for its young, apart from the mad rush to Coles on the evening before a long weekend of course.

So with one final muster of courage, our penguin friend gathers himself, focuses on the cry of his children and starts the long journey across the beach. This unleashes the rest of the penguins and the beach is filled with these black and white creatures, waddling their little feet, their bodies swaying from side to side as they make their final short eternal journey for the day. Strength in numbers, anonymity of the crowd, the cowardice of the penguin certainly helps its survival skills.

Another example of the penguin in action shows this same aptitude for the preservation of its own skin, while not necessarily showing that same duty of care to its friends around him. On a large ice shelf in the Antarctic, a large group of penguins gather by its edge, preparing to jump off into the icy waters below in search of fish. Hundreds and hundreds of penguins gather together, side by side, ready, but not yet willing to face the dangers of the predators likely waiting below. In the same scenario as the scene above, none of the penguins want to be the first into the water, but without the calls of the waiting children to provide the motivation to make that initial step something has to give. Getting hungrier and more impatient the group is getting restless, muttering and mumbling to each other in penguin speak, egging each other on. Possibly they are saying

‘come on Bob… just jump already’

‘Stuart is that you? How about you go first for a change? I went first last time!’

‘Bollocks, Tim went first last time…’

‘Yeah and Tim got chomped by that seal so your dreaming if I’m going first.’

‘What are you? Chicken?’ Brk Brk Brk… goes the group, all imitating the lowliest of the bird family. Chicken!!

At least one can only assume this is what they are saying, not being that fluent in penguin I’m not entirely sure. With no other option, Stuart see’s poor Bernard a few penguins away… quietly whispering to Tim the plan is put in place. With a sudden jolt, Tim, mustering all his strength and energy pushes poor Bernard as hard as he can and he goes flying into the water. That one penguin hitting the water is all the group needs, and they all take a running jump into the icy waters below. It’s like surfing at dusk, you don’t mind it if there are a bunch of other surfers out there, but buggered if I’m surfing alone.

So is there another species that behaves in a similar manner? I’d like to put forward a resounding YES here and I’m sure you’ll find your related quite closely and even possibly behave in this certain way occasionally.

Working behind a bar, the bartender see’s a group of four men tentatively approaching. Their eyes are darting across the room, sometimes toward him, however mostly back and forth across the room, not only looking for prey but more poignantly looking for the preyed upon. They have only just entered their surrounds so are not quite confident enough yet to strut across the ‘sand’… the space between the entrance and the bar. Cautiously surveying the punters, the bar staff and each other they reach their destination ready to place their order.

‘ What can I get you guys?’ asks the friendly bartender. They all look at each other, frozen like rabbits caught in a headlight. We haven’t thought this through they seem to be saying to each other telepathically… as if the bartender has just asked the hardest question in the world.

A sudden mumble rises through the group, entirely incoherent to the said bartender… maybe they are saying something like

‘well I’m on beer’

‘ oh spirits is where im at now’

‘what do they have on tap?’

‘I don’t know what to drink? What are you drinking?’… if they happen to be Irish then there is no way the bartender has any chance of picking up even a single word… ‘dhsjhflkhfdkjashfkhaskdhlahf’…. ‘dhjs wiluwql qwilw ahdkshdlkhidho’ dfjeojdpkdjwqodj w oeqwudfiqejhipdh’ efheihiheifeqoidf?????’ dhskhdlwqed flqw ehdlk qwhd’ dhjskjhdf ldiiuwldjlqw lwidlqwhd lskdulwjdl whlidhwqld wlidyliwdqwi wileulwie wq’ they are saying…… whilst giving the bartender the knowing nod that could only be question. Like the cowardly penguin too afraid to make the move into the icy cold waters, it appears this confident group of guys, out for a night on the town, have suddenly become camera shy.

I can understand the plight of the penguin, staring in the face of death every time it undertakes the seemingly mundane task of feeding its young, but the four young men at the bar? It’s just a drink! Pull yourself together. While there are hordes of other punters waiting patiently (and some not so patiently) to be served it seems these four young men are still in a state of bewilderment about what they are about to indulge in to satisfy their thirst. Finally with the bartender staring blankly back at them… one of them manages to find their voice and ask for a Coopers Pale. Like that first penguin hitting the water the floodgates open,

‘Pale? Really? Good idea I’ll have one of those too’

‘Yeah make mine the same’ the third man adds before putting the fourth man in the spotlight for hopefully the final time

‘Yeah same here’ he adds before the equally arduous task of deciding who’s round it actually is begins. 

In a world obsessed with celebrity and idolizing the individualistic, the weird and the plain bizarre (Lady Gaga Anyone?) It seems the vast majority of us are still content to blend in with the crowd, stay unnoticed and do uninteresting things. If it takes that long to be assertive in something as trivial as ordering a drink at a bar in front of a group, then how does one adapt to the big scary moments in life?  Or perhaps we simply aren’t any more. How often does one hear ‘I’m just so stressed today!’ when in actuality all they had to do was put in a full day at work, or received a slightly interpretatively offensive text from a pseudo friend. It’s not as if we ever actually use our fight or flight responses anymore, rarely, if ever, are we in any actual danger like our dear penguin friends.

Stress is a real syndrome, don’t get me wrong, but I suspect the number of people actually suffering from stress is similar to the number of people who report they have just got over the flu in winter, when in reality, they have simply had the common cold. A busy day should not equal stress, nor should something not going quite right. Be frustrated sure, or tired of course, but stressed? I’ve seen firsthand someone in the depths of stress, always getting sick from it. Real stress. But a bad day? It’s become a catchphrase of sorts, overused and mostly in the wrong context.

Next time you think your stressed, ask yourself. Am I really? Take a moment, inhale deeply and relax, if only for a second and see how your mood changes. As humans our most primitive action is to breath, it is life. Far more important than food and water, yet how many of us actually do it properly? Inhale all the way in, pause for a second and exhale all the way out. Repeat this once or twice and feel the ‘stress’ fade away.

Life’s a funny place, but with a smile anything really is possible. So remember to breathe, relax, and save all that worry for the penguins. And if you still can’t relax, download Surf’s Up! Animated surfing penguins, surely nothing beats that!